Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Endure to the End

Just returned home from visiting our beautiful Ashlyn, Rachel, & Haley. Ashlyn continues to struggle with her urine output. She has urinated some today but not what the MD's would like. Her vitals have looked pretty good today. This evening her O2 sats have dropped into the eighty's, when there is that much fluid around the lungs it becomes difficult to vent properly, but they are doing all they can do to help her. Rachel seemed to have another rough day as well, and they can't figure out what is causing it. Her blood pressure has been quite low, her need for O2 remains high, and her urine output has slowed down compared to yesterday. As we were leaving this evening her blood pressure had come up again and she seemed to be urinating more. Little Haley seems to be holding her own, even though she has caught another infection. She continues to tolerate the breast milk feeds, pee, and maintain her blood pressure without the dopamine medication. So yes the roller coaster ride continues on, but we will ride it to the end. I know God is in control of everything that goes on. While we are deeply saddened by the loss of our two boys and one girl, we are comforted in knowing that we provided a body for these sweet children. I know that the main purpose of coming to earth is to obtain a physical body, and I thank God everyday that we did not do selective reduction because of that fact alone. My children have a body, they are perfect and they will be exalted and live with God forever. I know God has blessed us with all six of our children. Some have spent a shorter time with us on earth than I would of liked, but that is OK because I know Thomas and I will have the opportunity one day to raise those that have gone on before us just as if they were being raised here with us on this earth. We will see our little Kaitlyn, Dallin, and Braden again one day. God has promised that to us if we live righteously and do what he has asked of us here on this earth. We must endure to the end despite all the challenges and trials we have faced and will continue to face.

29 comments:

  1. I've prayed for your little girls many times throughout the day. Although I don't have much experience with what you're going through, I have never felt so much pain for another as I have for your family. I will continue to pray for you daily that God continues to bless the five of you and guides the health care providers so that they perform to the best of their abilities.

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  2. Thank you for sharing your testimony a little about the life after this. I too know that you will be able to raise your sweet little ones someday. Isn't it nice to know why we are here and what our purpose is? I have never been through the loss of a loved one, let alone a child. I'm so sorry. I'm so interested in your story cause first of all, I served my mission in Houston, members in Houston are few and far between compared to Idaho where I grew up, and second of all, you are such wonderful, strong people. I love reading your blog, you inspire me and make me feel renewed when you share you testimony. Thank you. Y'all (learned that on the mission!!) are in my thoughts daily. Take care.

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  3. Thank you for taking the time to keep us informed. I have not met you or Thomas but feel like I know you and wish you nothing but the best from here on out. Your faith absolutely amazes me . I hope your girls have an absolute great day today.

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  4. Great update! I would love to hear that the girls are doing better, but you are right, we are here to endure to the end. You and Thomas are blessed to know that we need a physical body and selective reduction would take that oportunity away from your children. The Lord was there when He alowed the 6 embrios to implant. The babies are not suffering (we have resources to deal with that)and one day they will have the oportunity to thank you for giving them a chance (including Kaitlyn, Dallin, and Braden). Continue to stay strong and to trust Him. Keeping all of you in my heart and continuing to pray for your family. Love, Claudia

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  5. My heart just breaks every time I read about another "bump" you're suffering through. I also have never met you personally, but I heard of your blessed pregnancy through my sister who was taught at institute by your hubby. I actually saw you brother in law in the store not too long ago, and I wanted soo much to ask him to pass hugs on to you, but I was afarid he'd think I was nuts! :)
    I think of you guys everyday and pray for you each evening. I know that it's in the Lords hands, however I always find myself wishing there was more that I could do for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your sweet spirits (and such frequent updates!) with us!

    Praying for you always,

    Christina McKinney

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  6. I was too offered selective reduction - im so happy i didnt either - i would have never got to know my baby C Evelyn - she spent 2 weeks with us and im so happy i got to know her for that short time. She is in Gods hands now watching over us.

    You and your family are in my prayers

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  7. Even though you are comforted by your knowledge of the Gospel and the future, this time is indeed difficult. Many of us have had similar experiences, and can only tell you that if you keep praying and believing in Him and His plan, you will make it through this. It must seem never ending right now though. Hugs!

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  8. I read your blog everyday, and everyday my family and I pray for you and the girls. Your strength and faith in God are amazing. I have said that many times, but each time I say it, it is because it continues to amaze me. God has a plan for you and your family. We don't always understand it, but there is a reason for all of these bumps and challenges. Don't let the select few rude people get to you. The vast majority of us stand behind you.
    MUCH MUCH MUCH love, prayers and continued support,
    Mere

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  9. The good attitude that you two have is just incredible. I am filled with admiration. It is so wonderful that we know our Heavenly Father and know that he has power over all. What an amazing, all-encompassing blessing that is.
    You are the best parents that your children could have and they were blessed to be sent to you. Hang in there, you are doing great. Much love.

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  10. i am so proud of you! your graciousness is remarkable. Your calm reporting of what is going on in these dear babies lives is such a blessing to those of us wishing all of you well. i pray that each of you, all 5 of you, will continue to be blessed in the very best way possible!
    keep up the good work. i got a little bent yesterday, i apologize to you. some people just don't 'get it' do they?!! Love Erma

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  11. Praying for you and your beautiful baby girls :)

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  12. Maybe all these prayers offered for these babies will finally grant them peace and days without suffering, and give them the strength to be able to thrive, grow and develop normally. It is hard to wait for God to make a change in these babies lives and to stop the suffering and have them move on to health and happiness. Although we are not suppose to ask- I would like to say to Him...what is taking so long? Patience is a hard thing.

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  13. You're strength amazes me!! I feel that same way about our son who came to this Earth simply to gain a body. Thank you for your post. You're testimony is so strong amid such an overwhelming trial. I'm sure there are also many people out there who need to hear what you said about you're sweet little angels and why you would never choose selective reduction. I agree completely!! You two are such a great example to those of us who are watching you in this hard time. Lots of Love and Prayers,
    Michelle in Eagle Mountain

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  14. Sorry, I have to post again, I just read what Sarah wrote yesterday. Please don't let her judgement deter you from your Eternal Perspective. You two are amazing. You're sweet babies are so lucky to have you as parents, and your little angels are undoubtedly so grateful that you were willing to help them gain their bodies. I wish I could help Sarah understand what you already know. This is God's plan. You are doing a wonderful job!!
    Michelle in Eagle Mountain

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  15. I think Stacey and all of them have been too harsh in your time of need, even though I understand and agree with what they are asking. I know what it's like to have hateful blog comments. I had them when I was pregnant, because my insurance denied all of my claims for prenatal care based on a fine print loophole. I had people threatening me all over the place that I "better" not have any complications in pregnancy and so on. In the end, there was nothing wrong, but people were telling me that it would have been my fault if something was wrong, because this was "what I get" for wanting a baby. I will never understand why it would have been my fault if something had been wrong with my child, but yet there are mothers everywhere who, God help you if you tell them it was their fault. I just better be thankful for my healthy happy child and make sure I never have any more just in case!

    So I know what it's like to get comments like these, but at the same time, you guys are getting so SOOOOOO spoiled with support. Omg, I wish I had a TEENY FRACTION of the support you guys had. I was in such emotional distress. All I ever got was more Stacys and Dedos. You guys BETTER thank your lucky stars that so many people are supporting you!

    I do wonder why you would not consider adoption. There are over a hundred million children in this world who are in need of a home. Does your church teach that these children are somehow tainted? Did you really want children, or did you just want to be pregnant? I can understand wanting a child, but this extreme need to be pregnant, I can't understand.

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  17. The LDS Church actually encourages adoption (especially for young girls who get pregnant). They have an family services agency that help with those wanting to adopt. Children adopted into families are sealed in temples just as children born into families.

    That being said, they definitely do not discourage using fertility treatment either. The choice to adopt/go the fertility route is a personal decision. Children are a blessing from God, however they reach their family. :)

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  18. I found your blog through my friend Kelly...I just wanted you to know I will be praying for your family.

    Love, Hugs and prayers-
    Tiff
    Thepiferfamily.blogspot.com

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  19. I just wanted you to know I've been thinking and praying for your family daily. My son was born at 23w3d and had many, many hard days in the NICU. He is now a healthy, happy 21 month old, and the absolute joy of our lives.

    Please don't give up hope for your sweet babies and know that God is the ultimate physician.

    Praying for your peace, endurance, and strength.
    Praying for total and complete healing of your girls.

    "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" Ephesians 3:25

    Sincerely,
    Ann Marie
    prayforcoy.blogspot.com

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  20. I suggest none of us respond to someone who writes a hateful comment on here. Lets just ignore them if no one responds they will stop. Lets just continue to support and love Amanda, Thomas and those precious little girls who are so wanted and loved by their family.
    PLease lets no longer respond to the hateful comments.

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  21. Amanda and Thomas

    Thank you for taking the time to keep us updated on the progress of your precious girls.

    I hope you are able to enable comment moderation very soon so you get to block or delete those who are not interested in supporting you and praying for your family.

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  22. Thomas and Amanda,

    I am so very proud of you and want to let everyone know that we as a family stand behind you and support you. That is what being a family is all about. I couldn't be prouder of all my children and the love and the support they have offered you. It is hard being here on our Mission and not being able to be there and share the load with you. We also know that the Lord will be merciful and bless you as you strive to stay close to Him. To all I want to bear my testimony that God Lives and Jesus is the Christ the Savior of the of the world and we are His children and are here because of what He did for us and because of the sacrice Christ made for us we will be able to return and live again as a family with Him if we are worthy. I so love the Lord and feel His comforting arms around me each day. Thanks to all of you for your kindness and love and prayers on Tom and Amandas behalf. To those who don't agree with what Tom and Amanda are doing we extend our love to you and pray for you as well. Love you all Mom

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  23. I'm glad to see those hateful comments have been taken down. As always, we pray for you and your family. It is comforting to know that you are no doubt being guided by the Holy Ghost through this difficult time. How sad that so many do not enjoy this wonderful gift. Your children have received their bodies- bodies they chose to receive in the premortal existence. Even if the girls endure difficulties throughout their lives, to know that their spirits are intact and perfect, and to know that Heavenly Father knows the beginning from the end and how to bear us up in all situations provides a measure of comfort and eternal perspective that you both demonstrate so gracefully.

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  24. My son only spent a week in the NICU but I couldn't believe how hard it was. I feel for you and hope all continues to progress.

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  25. I read your blog everyday and pray for your family and your precious little girls!

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  26. the post from your mom is so beautiful and says it all, made me get a bit teary.. now i feel as if i know her a bit too. what a kind, loving lady!
    have a wonderful day, my dears. love Erma

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  27. Hang in there Amanda and Thomas. As the healthy 37 year old 2 pounder when I was born-it has made my mom's strength be appreciated even more. Thank you for your testimony and a reminder that we all need to endure to the end with faith and trust in Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father. We will continue to pray in your behalf!

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  28. Hello Amanda & Thomas,

    To God be the Glory for ALL that He has done and continue to do. I am still praying for you. I know God never fails and I thank Him for the faith that He has given you both. I pray that God's hands cover each of the girls daily. I have a special love for little Rachel as she was the neighbor of my little one when he spent two weeks next to her in NICU.I prayed for her daily as I passed her and trust that God is going to bless her in a mighty mighty way. As my husband rolled me into the NICU to visit our own baby I remember asking God as I saw you and your husband to let HIS hand of favor encourage you even the more and give you supernatural favor concerning the lives of those beautiful babies. I know as a born again believer that God will honor my prayer request and that all will be well in Jesus Name. Keep the faith and hold on to God's unchanging hand.

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  29. You honestly believe that it was HF's father that you go through all of this and your children suffer and experience so much agony just so they could have a physical body? I guess that's what you have to tell yourself to get over the guilt for what you have done, but that's the most ridiculous thing ever. You must believe that HF is cruel? The God that is supposed to be blessing you?! Has it ever occurred you that any one of the MILLIONS of children on this earth that already have bodies but don't have HOMES, FOOD or CLOTHES needed you more than the children that you allowed to suffer and die? HF is more than capable of making sure all the children that need bodies will get them. The fact that you couldn't conceive is by far enough evidence that that wasn't part of your path. If HF wanted it for you, He would have given it to you. Perhaps he didn't want you getting pregnant because you're incapable of making loving decisions that put your children first.

    Who is going to pay the medical bills? How are you going to care for these high needs kids? One day you'll snap out of this "I was doing God's will" coma and you'll have to face all of the actual guilt that you rightfully deserve. After the decisions you have made, I wouldn't trust you with a goldfish, much less a child.

    You may call me hateful and try to brush me off, but I'm an endowed member of the church. I love HF. I ADORE my adopted, healthy children. I sleep at night knowing that I gave up pregnancy and nursing- two things I always dreamed of- because there were children that needed me more than I needed them to have my eyes.

    One day you will be severely judged for this. Children suffered and died because of the decisions you made. There's nothing more heinous than that in this world.

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