Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Good and The Bad

It seems like all the days are blending together lately. Today was a pretty good day for two of our little girls. Ashlyn's health continues to deteriorate, she is struggling to get the oxygenation she needs to sustain life. It isn't critically low just yet but seems to be creeping that way. She has so much edema (fluid) that it is getting into her lungs. She seems to be going into renal failure as she has stopped urinating completely. We continue to ask the Lord to do what is best for her. It is his will not ours as hard as that may be. It's extremely painful to see her struggling, it's also very hard to except that she may pass very soon, but I know that what will happen is for her good. Haley did really well today. She was down to 25% Oxygen, with all her vitals stable as well. She has no idea what is going to happen to her tomorrow. She will have surgery tomorrow afternoon to correct the obstruction in her small bowel. We hope and pray that the surgery goes well and that the Lord will guide the surgeons hands during the procedure. We also pray that they don't find anything worse than what they are expecting when they open her up. I know that she will be in good hands, Dr. Bloss is a great guy and a great surgeon. He has a famous line he says every time he has done a procedure on our girls "I will take care of her like she was my own. I know her from the inside out". We definitely appreciate Dr. Bloss and his excellent skills. We pray that our Heavenly Father will guide and direct him tomorrow during the surgery. Rachel seems to have dropped her blood pressure a little today, the Doctors don't seem to think much about it. I hope she isn't coming down with another infection. As a mom, my intuition suspects she has another infection from her central line. Her Oxygen requirements have been up a little more today than they had been, but that could be because of some of the pressure changes that Dr. Gee has made on her ventilator. He is trying to wean her down little by little. I hope she can be placed on a C-Pap sooner than later because it is much better for the lungs than the ventilator. It has been a good day and a bad day as well. The good day comes because Rachel and Haley seem content and stable. The bad day because Ashlyn seems like she is slipping closer and closer away. It breaks our heart to think she may not be with us much longer, but all we want is what is absolutely best for her. We continue to move forward and trust in an all knowing and all powerful Heavenly Father. We know that God is in control, He will do what is best for us like He always has and He always will.

36 comments:

  1. I have never commented before but after reading this post I felt I just had to let you know how much this all hits me. I pray you won't have to say goodbye to another baby. I pray for a miracle for Ashlyn. It has happened before- I have been following blogs like this for ages now and prayers DO work. I know you do trust God to only do what He thinks is best and I know He will. Even thousands of miles away, there are people who care about you.

    Thinking of you all just now.

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  2. Ugh...Not fair!!!! We pray you get to see all 3of your daughters grow and thrive. My heart is breaking for you. Stay strong and know you have SO MANY people praying for you all.

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  3. thomas and amanda i just wanted you to know that you are in the thoughts and prayer of so many people. i live in ireland and so many i know are praying for your family. my heart is breaking for your little ashlyn. lots of love and hugs and prayers from ireland, shirley....

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  4. I just wrote a prayer request for you on my blog hope you don't mind. I know you, and of course Ashlyn, need all the prayers you can get.

    Emma here again!

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  5. A huge cyber hug to you all, may there be nothing but better days ahead...

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  6. This is the SAME thing that happened to my Tessa. The docs loaded her up with Lasix, Albumin, Edecrin and Bumex. This combination REALLY helped with the edema. I am sure Ashlyn's doctors are doing everything for her I just wanted to share this incase they were an option. We are praying very hard for you all!!

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  7. We are praying here too and hoping for a miracle.

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  8. Prayers for you all, particularly Ashlyn, from our little family in Australia.

    Thank you for taking the time to keep all of us out there in Blog land updated. It is so very sincerely appreciated.

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  9. Amanda & Thomas, sending lots of prayers your way for your kiddos. They are the most precious little girls. Thanks for keeping us updated, it is much appreciated. Sherri

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  10. I'm so sorry that your sweet Ashlyn is struggling. I hope that you can feel the love of our Father in Heaven for her and for you with whatever the outcome may be. Good luck with the surgery today. Hopefully all will go well and Haley will be back down to 25% quickly after. And hopefully Rachel will keep that blood pressure where it needs to be and get on CPAP soon. You and your children are in our prayers.

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  11. I am so sorry to hear about Ashlyn. My mother heart just breaks for you. I know it doesn't take away the pain of all your losses, but I'm sure you find peace in your temple covenants and your children that are safe from the perils of this world. We continue to pray for your girls.

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  12. Oh, my heart is breaking for Ashlyn. As a mother myself, I couldn't imagine. Even though you know Heaven is waiting for her and that gives you much peace, you still want to spend time with her on earth and watch her grow up. I am praying so hard that our Lord will heal Ashlyn and continue to be with your other sweet miracles.

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  13. Sweet Ashlyn, I am saying extra special prayers for you! I know that in the long term, whatever happens, you will be okay - more than okay, but mommy and daddy and rachel and haley would sure love to play with you in the next few years!
    Amanda and Thomas, know that you are beling lifted up by many. Thank you so much for taking the time to update us!
    Haley and Rachel, way to go! Keep it up! Haley, I hope you bounce back really quickly after your surgery!

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  14. My heart is broken, but I continue to pray for a miracle for little Ashlyn. I know all is part of His plan, but I sure would love to see her here with her family... Rachel and Haley will continue to improve and I will say extra prayers for Haley this afternoon. She will do just fine. Amanda and Thomas, there are people all over the world praying for your family. You are beautiful people. We all love you and will be here to support you during these trying times. I am with you in spirit. All my love, Claudia

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  16. Amanda and Thomas,
    I keep following your blog. I didn't want to just be a lurker, but I just want you to know I am praying for you still. You have such faith. It amazes me.
    Lots of love!

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  17. My heart goes out to you on these hard times. Praying for better days ahead.

    Hugs,
    Jamie

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  18. I am sorry for all the struggels your family has faced. I am praying for peace for you and your family. I am sorry for all your babies lost. You all will meet again. God be with you during these hard times.

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  19. My heart goes out to you and your family... how hard this must be. I will keep you in my prayers..

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  20. I have followed this blog silently for months, and could not hold back. I could not hold back my tears and comment. As a fellow multiple mom, Christian and texan, please know, my family are praying for you and Thomas and those angels.
    I pray that is not the path your precious Ashlyn is heading. Try to stay positive, keep that deep rooted strong faith and yes, prayer works.
    God be with you.

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  21. talk to her, let her hear your voice...
    have a casset with you singing to her...
    Parents presence and love is so important for these little ones...

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  22. i hope this day has brought many miracles! that Rachel is still doing well, that Haley's surgery went well and that Ashlyn will surprise you all! i pray for these things!
    i, too, know that our Heavenly Father is in charge and He has great plans for all of us.
    Amanda, you are truly a wonder! your strength and testimony radiate in each post. Thank you. i'll be anxious to visit you here tomorrow we know that whatever our Father's decision - it will be for their best. if tears would help i know they'd be fine.
    love Erma

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  23. Amanda and Thomas,

    I find myself sitting at my desk in tears... I have feared the last few weeks, from your updates, that little Ashlyn might be slipping away... but I just have such faith in the good Lord that he will do the right thing. Definitely trust in Him, but do not give up on her. The doctors still have a chance, and Ashlyn has a fighting chance! Her little body can only take so much, of course, so if it is meant to be, she will go to her Lord in Heaven. Just know that I am praying that she gets to stay here with you on Earth... the thought of you losing yet another child, a fourth in just 2 months, is heartbreaking. But I know how strong you both are - and no matter what, you will get through it.

    God bless you! You're in my prayers!!!

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  24. This post was so hard to read today. I still have not given up on Ashlyn and I know you haven't either. Miracles happen and I will pray HARD for a miracle for her. My grandson also had edema and kidney problems after one of his surgeries. I can so relate to this.

    Your faith astounds me

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  25. This is hard. I'm so sorry. I know that you WILL get the opportunity to watch your sweet Ashlyn grow up. Your faith is so strong, and I know that the Spirit will help you make the best decisions possible. No one can ever say as they read this blog that you have not treasured every moment with each of your children We love you. --The Bigneys

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  26. I volunteer for an orgnaization called "Now I Lay me Down to Sleep" and it is remembrance photography for newborns who pass shortly after birth, or are still born, or your situation, etc. The photographer comes to the hospital and takes very quiet, gentle, non-intrsutive pictures of you with your daughter so that you can always remember her. The service is free. They give you all of the picutres on CD or DVD for free. They can do the pictures before or after she passes- sometimes afterwards is better because you can snuggle her without all of the tubes.

    Here is the website. http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

    I pray that whatever happens is the best course for Ashlyn. And we both know that God knows best.

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  27. I have been following Your blog for a while now but have never commented. I don't know what to say, loosing 3 already is heart wrenching and not fair. I pray that Ashlyn gets a miracle and gets better. I pray that Rachel and Haley continue to improve each and every day. Your strength and faith in our Savior is so great.

    Thy Will Be Done

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  28. First time posting but 'lurking and hoping' for your girls for the last few weeks. I'm praying for a miracle.
    Elena
    Mom of GGG Triplets

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  29. I am saddened to check your blog and find things are not going well for precious Ashlyn. I will keep you all in my prayers. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that so many strangers you have never met are thinking and praying for you all

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  30. When you had so much trouble getting pregnant, didn't you think maybe THAT was a sign from God? Why put 6 little souls through so much pain? There are so many babies waiting to be adopted. Don't be selfish. Look into it.

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  31. I had to not let that be the last comment on here. Sometimes people do not understand that fertility treatment is another way that God allows his children to dwell on this earth. Amanda, how I wish I could give you a big hug- and your husband too. You two have been so much these past 2 months. I hope you have seen the last of children passing from this world into the next. I fell asleep this morning (up all night with my own baby) after a long, heartfelt pleading prayer for you two. It was a peaceful, warm sleep. I am still hoping, praying and feeling much love for you. One other thing: As I was reading this post this morning, I could feel the Spirit so strongly. Heavenly Father is so very aware of you and He loves all of your family so much.

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  32. I just said a prayer for your Ashlyn. You don't have to be this strong...It amazes me how calm you seem. When my Aaron passed, I was not only grief stricken, but anxious, as well. You're a very strong woman...I pray to God nightly that he keeps you and your girls strong.

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  33. As many of your previous posts have stated, I, too, have been following your story. My prayers, thoughts , and my heart go out to you and your family. I am praying especially for little Ashlyn tonight. You have such faith, but I know that your heart is aching for that little one. May God place His healing hand upon her little body and allow her health to be restored. I pray, also, that Haley's surgery go extremely well tomorrow. I know it is comforting for you to hear the doctor's words about treating her like his own. What faith and confidence that instills. I pray that you and your husband continue in faith that God is in control, and the God will continue to give you both the strength you need to support those three precious babies. God bless you all.

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  34. When I started my first fertility treatment I had someone give me a little speech about God's will and me playing God. However it was through those treatments healing came. Also, I was given the ability to speak into the lives of other hurting people dealing with infertility. Now you guys have that special ability to minister to people the commenter above can't even relate to.
    Me and my extended family are praying for Ashlyn.

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  35. I have been reading your blogs daily also but haven't commented yet. I'm sorry that I missed you when I was in Houston in Sept., but you are in my prayers along with so many others. I've been sent links to your blog by 3 different people that you have touched their lives. I'm hoping that Haley's surgery went well today, and Ashlyn is doing better. Take care. Lots of love,
    Hayley Locke (Jace's sister)

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